By Peter Bell

What Type of Boat is ColdFusion?

OK, I can't resist this little piece of flamebait. The posting isn't bad, but some of the comments are priceless. Good, silly Friday fun.

My personal favorites (I don't necessarily agree with the arguments, but I love the use of language :->):

  • Erlang: The Mary Celeste of programming ships, it appeared out of nowhere, nobody really knows what it does or what it’s good for, and nobody knows whats happening to it, or where it is going.
  • Lisp? I think Lisp is sort of like a hydrofoil: everyone’s first reaction is “How does THAT work??”
  • OR Lisp is a kayak. Fun, not usually used for big projects, and sometimes it just feels upside down.
  • Ruby on Rails (to clarify) is one of those fab little peddle boats that go on lakes etc - effortless to use, easy to manouvre, bells and whistles and everyone goes awwww… but as soon as you get out into open water you’re doomed. Peddling hapelessly against the tide until the end of time.
  • Haskell would be an alien UFO that’s crash-landed in the middle of the desert, which no-one understands at first. In fact it is made of strange materials and doesn’t look right at all.
  • Visual Basic is a freightliner carrying a unicycle.

So, what kind of boat IS ColdFusion?

You saw it too! I had a nice laugh at the PHP boat. And the first comment on there seems to think CF is a sinking boat.

I don't know what kind of boat CF is for me. But like you, I enjoyed the light Friday reading!
# Posted By Sammy Larbi | 4/4/08 11:36 AM
Yeah - I'd seen this, but it was actually your tweet that made me decide to make a posting out of it!
# Posted By Peter Bell | 4/4/08 11:43 AM
Perhaps a battleship re purposed as a cruise liner?
# Posted By derek | 4/4/08 12:06 PM
ColdFusion is a 30 ft luxury yacht. It's nice and comfortable. It will take you and a few friends from port to port with no problems, and nearly drives itself. Don't try to take it all the way across the ocean unless you're attached to a cargo ship (though towing cables are included), and it doesn't work in lakes (like desktop environments).
# Posted By Nathan Strutz | 4/4/08 12:17 PM
Ferry Boat:
Designed for a purpose.
Can be handled by a small crew.
Does it's specific job very well.
# Posted By Kris Brixon | 4/4/08 12:45 PM
CF is an command boat in a fleet of ships. It doesn't do everything itself. There are other members of the fleet also. CSS Display is one of the better known fleet ships. There is the AJAX, the WS Remote for interfacing with outside service ships and many others.
# Posted By John Farrar | 4/6/08 10:11 AM
it's a luxury yacht with paddles.

imagine boarding a 75 foot yacht that had no engine, a crappy inteiror and no bathroom (head); that's what CF feels like to me.

why do i say this? look how many "features" in cf that are still broken from the previous version. how many new features are so poorly implemented that they just shouldn't of bothered putting them in. what framework do we have that doesn't suck or is slow as hell.

say all you want about the other languages, but you people need to get off the CF soapbox and start admitting the cf is a pos. cf's only hope is that bluedragon will get a swarm of people contributing so they can pick up Adobe's slack.
# Posted By tony petruzzi | 4/8/08 12:03 PM
My favorite comment:

I think programming languages are more like vacuums:
- They all do pretty much the same thing
- Even though the one you have works, someone will try to sell you a new one every few years.
- They all suck
- Someone will argue with you about which one sucks the most
- No one will ever come over to your house to help you with it
# Posted By Brian | 4/9/08 10:51 AM
@Brian, LOL - that rocks :->
# Posted By Peter Bell | 4/9/08 10:56 AM
Awesome comments. But people, back up what you say, even with just one case. For instance, command boat, command max of 200 crew?

Two things stand out after I played with cf8 for a couple of months after dropped the language for a few years...
a) the ajax-related features are indeed neat, but implementation is very shallow (by business design to save bucks or lack of deep thought? )
b) the word, design, design, does not seem ring a bell with Adobe cf dev crew ...
# Posted By Don | 4/10/08 3:46 PM
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